Feel terrible despite "normal" labs?
Uncover the clues your doctor missed with a free Bloodwork Analysis Session!
(No additional lab testing or blood draw required!)
If you could *finally* get some answers about what’s causing your long list of mystery symptoms…
Would you say "Hell yes!" to a free 75-minute Bloodwork Analysis Session so you can finally stop guessing and start healing?
Here's What People Are Saying About The Free Bloodwork Analysis Session...
Please note: I respect every client's privacy, so of course I'm not sharing any names or photos. I'll respect your privacy too.
Tell me if this sounds familiar:
- You started getting weird mystery symptoms after a stressful time in your life.
- The doctor said it was just a “normal” part of ______ (getting older, being a mom, etc.)
- So you ignored your symptoms as long as you could… Until they were impossible to ignore.
- You insisted on getting some blood tests, but your doctor said they were “normal,” and couldn’t do anything for you.
- So you went from doctor to doctor, searching for the one that would *finally* take you seriously.
- When you ran out of options, you turned to Dr. Google and tried ALL the diet and lifestyle changes.
- You saw *a little* improvement, but hit a wall, and then your symptoms started to get worse again.
- And now, you have no idea what to do or try next, but you’re too darn stubborn to give up…
And if that whole exhausting process made you lose trust in the medical system…
You’re not wrong, and you’re not alone.
Because by now, you’ve probably realized:
👉 Your health is too important to leave in your doctor’s hands.
👉 The medical system wasn’t built to find root causes. It was built to mask symptoms.
👉 There’s no such thing as a “normal” symptom.
👉 You’re tired of prescriptions being the first (and only) option.
👉 You want real answers and a more natural, long-term solution.
👉 You’re living proof that diet, lifestyle, and stress management matter (even though your doctor said it wouldn’t).
👉 You want more for yourself than “learn to live with it.”
👉 You’re done waiting for your labs to get “bad enough” to be taken seriously by your doctor.
👀 I see you nodding your head over there!
So, if you want more than the medical system has to offer and you're ready to uncover the true root cause of your symptoms…
The free Bloodwork Analysis Session is for you!
Introducing The Free
Bloodwork Analysis Session!
A free introductory coaching session for people with mystery symptoms who aren't getting the support they need from their doctors.
Introducing The Free
Bloodwork Analysis Session!
A free introductory coaching session for people with autoimmune symptoms who aren't getting the support they need from their doctors.
(This session is 100% free. There is no obligation to talk to me ever again after our session. Though you may want to, and we can talk about that too.)
Here's What People Are Saying About The Free Bloodwork Analysis Session...
Please note: I respect every client's privacy, so of course I'm not sharing any names or photos. I'll respect your privacy too.
How Does the Bloodwork Analysis Session Work Exactly?
Here’s what you can expect:
When you book your free session, you’ll be invited to send Clarissa your lab reports for review (more on which labs later). But don’t worry! You don’t have to pay for any additional lab testing (or beg your doctor to order anything) to attend this session. Clarissa uses common blood tests 95% of people have on hand already.
During your session, we’ll dig into:
- Your top symptoms and how they’re affecting your life, so Clarissa can connect the dots between your lived experience and your lab results.
- Exactly how Clarissa interprets labs differently than your doctor, so you can finally understand what your numbers really mean, and what to do about them.
- A detailed, marker-by-marker decoding of your bloodwork, where we uncover hidden patterns, explore the root causes behind your imbalances, and explain how they’re connected to the symptoms you’ve been living with.
- Personalized next steps, including which functional labs and ongoing support will get you on the path to feeling like yourself again.
That way, you’ll walk away with answers, a clear plan, and a whole lot more hope than you came in with.
This Session Is Completely Different From What You've Experienced Before. And That’s the Point.
Still not sure if this session is right for you? I get it.
You’ve probably been gaslit, rushed out of the room with more questions than answers, and told your labs were “normal” when you felt anything but.
But this isn’t another dead-end conversation that leaves you feeling dismissed and hopeless.
This session will feel different because it IS different.
Clarissa looks at labs through a completely different lens. A lense that helps her spot patterns and root causes your doctor missed.
Experience With Doctors
👎Expensive, rushed 10-15 minute session with barely enough time to explain your symptoms
👎Dismissed and told your tests are "normal" even though you feel awful.
👎Left feeling defeated, hopeless, and still stuck with the same symptoms
Experience With Clarissa
👍Free, 75-minute session that’s personal, thorough, and all about you
👍Finally validated, because dysfunctions are uncovered that explain how you’ve been feeling
👍Walk away with answers, a plan, and real hope that healing is possible
It all comes down to the difference between “sick care” and “health care.”
When doctors interpret labs, they are looking to diagnose a disease so that they can prescribe medication to cover up symptoms. They are in the business of sick-care.
However, as a Functional Health Coach, Clarissa looks for the root causes of dysfunction so that she can help you give your body the resources it needs to actually reverse your mystery symptoms. This is health care.
Want a sneak peek of how Clarissa interprets labs differently than your doctor?
Watch the 90-second video below. It’s a side-by-side breakdown of how much information doctors miss.
HINT: You'll be amazed how much info is hiding in labs they call “normal.”
Ready to feel like this?
Please note: I respect every client's privacy, so of course I'm not sharing any names or photos. I'll respect your privacy too.
Of course you have questions! This isn't your first rodeo.
Absolutely not! Clarissa has purposely picked tests that pretty much everyone will have lying around so that you don't have to jump through any extra hoops to be able to participate in this free session.
Clarissa will ask you to submit your most recent Complete Blood Count (CBC) and Comprehensive Metabolic Panel (CMP) lab reports. Tip: Not sure what's on those tests? Do a quick google search!
It is totally okay if your lab results are mostly (or even completely) within the "normal" range according to your doctor. Submit them anyway! Doctors use extremely broad lab ranges based on the average values of a sick population, whereas Clarissa uses very narrow ranges based on optimal function and health. In other words, things that your doctor marked as "normal" are not necessarily optimal, and Clarissa will be able to show you that!
That's okay! Submit what you have, and we will make it work.
You have a couple options here. Option 1: If you have some blood labs, but not the ones requested, you can book your session and then email Clarissa at coach@clarissacabbage.com and see if what you have will work. Option 2: You can skip the blood tests for now and just chat about what working together might look like. Clarissa can always order the blood tests for you later if needed.
Absolutely! Clarissa is able to review labs that use SI units as well.
There's no catch. This is a real opportunity to finally feel seen, understood, and supported. Clarissa offers this session because she knows what it's like to live with debilitating symptoms and have no answers. If she believes she can help you reach your goals, she'll invite you to become a client. But there's never any pressure. You're in control, and you'll know by the end whether it feels like the right next step.
It's true that Clarissa is not a doctor, and that's actually a good thing! Not being a doctor allows Clarissa to look outside the box and think holistically in a way that doctors were not trained to do. But rest assured, Clarissa has had lots of training and experience that allow her to interpret labs like a pro! She has a Master's Degree in Exercise and Wellness, has worked in the health and wellness industry for over 15 years, did an intensive 1-year mentorship in functional labs, and is also a Board Certified Health Coach, Functional Diagnostic Nutrition Practitioner, Autoimmune Protocol (AIP) Certified Coach, and Corrective Exercise Specialist. Plus,Clarissa has a handful of "invisible" diseases, so she just gets it in a way that most doctors can't.
After you book your Free Bloodwork Analysis Session, you will receive an email from Clarissa with directions on how to submit your labs.
The three-day period allows Clarissa time to review your labs so you can make the most of your 75-minute session together.
A little about me, your Functional Health Coach
My superpower is helping you find answers when your doctor has none.
I use functional lab testing to help people get to the root of their mystery symptoms so they can finally start feeling like themselves again!
And I can’t wait to help you start doing the same in your Bloodwork Analysis Session.
About Me: I lived on Kaua’i for years, where I met my partner Patti and adopted our dog Ipo. We’re now back in the beautiful Pacific Northwest, where I proudly go by the titles of auntie, dog-mom, and Functional Health Coach.
My Hobbies: I live for outdoor adventure. Hiking to waterfalls and paddling with whales and sea turtles are two of my favorites. Nature is my happy place.
What makes me weird: I’m a big-time data nerd and admirer of the human body. I was a Division I sprinter/hurdler turned strength coach, but now live for spreadsheets, root causes, and functional health.
My Diagnoses: Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (hEDS), Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS), Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS), Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), Dystonia, and some type of autoimmune disease.
Ready to Finally Feel Heard — And Get Real Answers?
Please note: I respect every client's privacy, so of course I'm not sharing any names or photos. I'll respect your privacy too.
Why I Do The Work I Do
My mission is to help people who have fallen through the cracks of the medical system get to the bottom of their mystery symptoms so they can finally get back to living their lives.
After the free Bloodwork Analysis Session, people have a lot of firsts…
✅ First time having their symptoms validated rather than dismissed by a health practitioner
✅ First time feeling like they have someone in their corner
✅ First time feeling hopeful about their future
✅ First time feeling like they have a real plan to get them where they want to go
This free session is for you if...
You find yourself nodding yes to anything below:
- You feel like you're slipping through the cracks of the medical system
- Your doctor says all your labs look “normal,” but you still feel like 💩
- You want less prescriptions, and more root cause healing
- You’re over wasting your time, money, and energy on things that don’t actually work
- You’re at least 51% curious about wether functional labs and coaching are the best next step
- You’re ready for answers and a proven plan to reverse your mystery symptoms
You just spent 8 minutes reading this page. Which is absolutely a sign that now is the time to hop on a call with me and finally get some answers about why you feel so bad (despite those “normal” labs)!
Here's What People Are Saying About These Sessions...
Please note: I respect every client's privacy, so of course I'm not sharing any names or photos. I'll respect your privacy too.