Feel awful despite "normal" labs?
Uncover the clues your doctor missed with a free Bloodwork Analysis Session!
(No additional lab testing or blood draw required!)
If you could *finally* get some answers about what’s causing your long list of mystery symptoms…
Would you say "Hell yes!" to a free 75-minute Bloodwork Analysis Session so you can finally stop guessing and start healing?
(This session is 100% free. There is no obligation to talk to me ever again after our session. Though you may want to, and we can talk about that too.)
Here's What People Are Saying About The Free Bloodwork Analysis Session...
Please note: I respect every client's privacy, so of course I'm not sharing any names or photos. I'll respect your privacy too.
Tell me if this sounds familiar:
- You started getting weird mystery symptoms after a stressful time in your life.
- The doctor said it was just a “normal” part of ______ (getting older, being a mom, etc.)
- So you ignored your symptoms as long as you could… Until they were impossible to ignore.
- You insisted on getting some blood tests, but your doctor said they were “normal,” and couldn’t do anything for you.
- So you went from doctor to doctor, searching for the one that would *finally* take you seriously.
- When you ran out of options, you turned to Dr. Google and tried ALL the diet and lifestyle changes.
- You saw *a little* improvement, but hit a wall, and then your symptoms started to get worse again.
- And now, you have no idea what to do or try next, but you’re too darn stubborn to give up…
And if you lost trust in the medical system
during that whole exhausting process...
You might have realized that:
👉 The medical system is flawed, and too many people with autoimmune symptoms are falling through the cracks.
👉 There is no such thing as a “normal” symptom (no matter what your doctor might say).
👉 Medications (with their MANY side effects) could be helpful, but should be used as a last resort.
👉 Diet, lifestyle, and stress management are extremely important parts of healing.
👉 One-size-fits-all approaches don’t work for clothes and are even worse for autoimmune disease.
👉 "No cure" does NOT mean "no improvement."
👉 Your body isn’t the enemy—it’s capable of healing with the right support.
👀 I see you nodding your head over there!
So, if you want more than the medical system has to offer and you're ready to uncover the true root cause of your symptoms…
The free Bloodwork Analysis Session is for you!
(This session is 100% free. There is no obligation to talk to me ever again after our session. Though you may want to, and we can talk about that too.)
Introducing The Free
Bloodwork Analysis Session!
A free introductory coaching session for people with autoimmune symptoms who aren't getting the support they need from their doctors.
(This session is 100% free. There is no obligation to talk to me ever again after our session. Though you may want to, and we can talk about that too.)
Introducing The Free
Bloodwork Analysis Session!
A free introductory coaching session for people with autoimmune symptoms who aren't getting the support they need from their doctors.
(This session is 100% free. There is no obligation to talk to me ever again after our session. Though you may want to, and we can talk about that too.)
Here's What People Are Saying About The Free Bloodwork Analysis Session...
Please note: I respect every client's privacy, so of course I'm not sharing any names or photos. I'll respect your privacy too.
How Does the Bloodwork Analysis Session Work Exactly?
Here’s what you can expect:
When you book your free session, you’ll be invited to send Clarissa your lab reports for review (more on which labs later). But don’t worry! You don’t have to pay for any additional lab testing (or beg your doctor to order anything) to attend this session. Clarissa uses common blood tests 95% of people have on hand already.
During the session, we’ll discuss:
- Your main symptoms and how they affect your life so that Clarissa has the context to make informed lab interpretations and recommendations.
- How Clarissa looks at labs differently than your doctor, so you understand what Clarissa is sharing and can act on the insights she provides.
- An in-depth, marker-by-marker interpretation of your blood lab including which markers are outside of the ideal range and possible explanations for WHY they’re out of range (aka root causes).
- Recommendations about best next steps for you based on your results, including lifestyle changes and follow-up functional lab testing.
In a nutshell, the main goals of the Bloodwork Analysis Session are to:
1) Identify any clues that your doctor may have missed about why you’re feeling so bad, and
2) Give you some concrete best next steps to start reversing your autoimmune symptoms.
(This session is 100% free. There is no obligation to talk to me ever again after our session. Though you may want to, and we can talk about that too.)
This Session Is Completely Different From What You've Experienced Before. Here's Why.
I know that this isn't your first rodeo. You've likely had many disappointing meetings with health professionals in the past. I promise this session will be completely different from anything you’ve experienced before.
Thank goodness I'm not a doctor! I'm a Functional Health Coach instead. Here's the difference.
Experience With Doctors
👎Expensive, rushed 10-15 minute session with limited time for questions.
👎Dissmissed and told your tests are "normal" even though you feel awful.
👎Discouraged because the doctor said there was nothing you could do to feel better.
Experience With A Functional Health Coach
👍Free, thorough and personalized 75-minute session with lots of time for questions.
👍Validated because dysfunctions were uncovered that explain your mystery symptoms.
👍Motivated because identifying the problem means you can actually do something about it!
It all comes down to the difference between “sick care” and “health care.”
When doctors interpret labs, they are looking to diagnose a disease so that they can prescribe medication to cover up symptoms. They are in the business of sick-care.
However, as a Functional Health Coach, I look for the root causes of dysfunction so that I can help you give your body the resources it needs to actually reverse your autoimmune symptoms. This is health care.
Want a sneak peek of how I interpret labs differently than your doctor?
Watch the 90-second video below, which shows a side-by-side comparison.
HINT: Watch how much info I can squeeze out of labs that doctors say are completely “Normal.”
(This session is 100% free. There is no obligation to talk to me ever again after our session. Though you may want to, and we can talk about that too.)
Ready to feel like this?
Please note: I respect every client's privacy, so of course I'm not sharing any names or photos. I'll respect your privacy too.
Of course you have questions! This isn't your first rodeo.
Absolutely not! Clarissa has purposely picked tests that pretty much everyone will have lying around so that you don't have to jump through any extra hoops to be able to participate in this free session.
Clarissa will ask you to submit your most recent Complete Blood Count (CBC) and Comprehensive Metabolic Panel (CMP) lab reports. She will then review the labs and choose ONE to discuss with you on the call.
Clarissa asks for two labs to increase the probability that she will find hidden clues about why you feel so bad that your doctor may have missed. For the sake of time, Clarissa will choose one lab to review on the call. She always picks whichever lab has the most helpful insights to review with you. And if you decide to work with Clarissa, she can help you look over ALL your blood labs from your doctor!
It is totally okay if your lab results are mostly (or even completely) within the "normal" range, according to your doctor. Submit them anyway! Doctors use extremely broad lab ranges based on the average values of a sick population, whereas Clarissa uses very narrow ranges based on optimal function and health. In other words, things that your doctor marked as "normal' are not necessarily optimal, and Clarissa will be able to show you that!
That's okay! Submit what you have, and we will make it work.
You have several options here. Option 1: If you have some blood labs, but not the ones requested, you can email Clarissa at coach@clarissacabbage.com and see if what you have will work. Option 2: We can skip the blood tests for now and just chat about what working together might look like. Clarissa can always order the blood tests for you later if needed. Option 3: You can request the tests from your doctor if you really want to.
We can definitely do that! Sign up for a session as usual, and then indicate that you do not want to submit labs when you fill out the questionnaire.
Absolutely! Clarissa is able to review labs that use SI units as well.
No catch, pinky promise! Clarissa just knows what it's like to have debilitating symptoms and no answers, and she doesn't want anyone else to have to figure it out on their own like she did.
It's true that Clarissa is not a doctor, and that's actually a good thing, because it allows her to look outside the box and think holistically in a way that doctors cannot. But rest assured, Clarissa has had lots of training and experience that allow her to interpret labs like a pro! She has a Master's Degree in Exercise and Wellness, has worked in the health and wellness industry for over 15 years, did an intensive 1-year mentorship in functional labs, and is also a Certified Health Coach, Functional Diagnostic Nutrition Practitioner, Autoimmune Protocol (AIP) Certified Coach, and Corrective Exercise Specialist. Plus, Clarissa has an autoimmune disease and a handful of other "invisible" diseases. So she just gets it in a way that most doctors can't.
After you book your Free Bloodwork Analysis Session, you will receive an email from Clarissa with directions on how to submit your labs.
The three-day period allows Clarissa time to review your labs so we can make the most of our 75-minute session together.
(This session is 100% free. There is no obligation to talk to me ever again after our session. Though you may want to, and we can talk about that too.)
A little about me, your Autoimmune Detective
My superpower is helping you find answers when your doctor has none.
I use functional lab testing to help people get to the root of their autoimmune symptoms so they can finally start feeling like themselves again!
About Me: My partner Patti, our dog Ipo, and I live together on the island of Kaua’i, although I’m originally from the great Pacific Northwest. Some of my favorite titles are auntie, dog-mom, and coach.
My Hobbies: I live for outdoor adventure. Hiking to waterfalls and paddling with whales and sea turtles are two of my favorites. Nature is my happy place.
What makes me weird: I’m a big-time data nerd and admirer of the human body. I was a Division I sprinter/hurdler turned strength coach, but now live for spreadsheets, root causes, and functional health.
My Diagnoses: Autoimmune Arthritis, Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS), Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS), and Hypermobility Spectrum Disorder (HSD).
Want Results Like This?!
Please note: I respect every client's privacy, so of course I'm not sharing any names or photos. I'll respect your privacy too.
Why I Do The Work I Do
My mission in life is to help people who are falling through the cracks of the medical system reclaim their health so they can *finally* get back to living their lives!
(Yep, it's still free, and nope, still no pressure.) 😉
After the free Bloodwork Analysis Session, people have a lot of firsts…
✅ First time having their symptoms validated rather than dismissed by a health practitioner
✅ First time feeling like they have someone in their corner
✅ First time feeling hopeful about their future despite an autoimmune diagnosis
✅ First time feeling like they have a real plan to get them where they want to go
This free session is for you if...
You find yourself nodding yes to anything below:
- You feel like you're slipping through the cracks of the medical system
- Your doctor says all your labs look “normal,” but you still feel like 💩
- You’re tired of protocols that only fix part of the problem
- You’re over wasting your time, money, and energy on things that don’t actually work
- You’re at least 51% curious about functional labs
- You’re ready for answers and a proven plan to reverse your autoimmune symptoms
You just spent 8 minutes reading this page. Which is absolutely a sign that now is the time to hop on a call with me and finally get some answers about why you feel so bad (despite those “normal” labs)!
(Yep, it's still free, and nope, still no pressure.) 😉
Here's What People Are Saying About Working With Clarissa...
Please note: I respect every client's privacy, so of course I'm not sharing any names or photos. I'll respect your privacy too.